The Fraud Five by Mike Kern – Final Regular Season Edition

November 26, 2023

Mike Kern’s Final Fraud Five of the regular season. Hard to believe it’s gone by that fast, but it does. This might be the last one until maybe the bowl season, depending upon what goes down on championship weekend. There wasn’t a glut of upsets this week either, so please bear with me. All I can do is try and poke a little fun where it’s most deserved. Ho Ho Ho.

Auburn — Sorry, I know you weren’t supposed to beat Alabama, even if you were at home, where you have recently given Saban fits. But you can’t be giving up a touchdown pass in the closing seconds on a fourth-and-goal from the 31. Iron Bowl that.

UCLA — I know you lost your quarterback early, even at home, and Cal has been coming on. And I use that term relatively. But you still shouldn’t be losing 33-7, in what was the last PAC-12 game and maybe Chip Kelly’s last game in Westwood. Bruins did lead 7-6 25 minutes in, before giving up a 100-yard kickoff return. Oh well. This is also the last scheduled meeting, between teams that had met every year since 1933. Which is when the Eagles were born. Should we mention that the Chips finished below .500 in the conference, despite not playing Oregon or Washington. See you in the Big Ten. Or Big 16. Whatever.

Louisville — I know you had already clinched a spot in the ACC final against Florida State, but that still doesn’t mean you should be losing at home to 6-5 Kentucky, on a 37-yard TD run with 1:02 to go.

North Carolina — Excuse me, but weren’t you pretty good at one point this season? With a big-time quarterback? So you finish up by losing at North Carolina State, which in fairness was ranked 22nd, 39-20. State scored the first 23 points. Heels dropped four of their last six.

New York Jets — I know a guy who’s a huge Jets fan. And hey, Joe Namath was my favorite player growing up too. So he knows all about suffering. But Friday might have topped the list. You can’t be giving up a 99-yard interception return on a Hail Mary pass to close out the first half after pulling within four of the visiting Dolphins. Holy butt fumble. The final was of course 34-13. But Aaron Rodgers could be back any moment now. The only question is why? You really can’t make most of this up.

Dishonorable Mentions

Texas Tech — After beating Texas last year, the coach said some things. He’s allowed. This time they lost to the Horns, who are leaving the Big 12 for the SEC, 57-7. Oops. It was 50-7 after 50 minutes. UT did score with 38 seconds left, on a 10-yard run. Take that.

Arizona State — Three years after beating Arizona, 70-7, the final was 59-23 Arizona. At Arizona State. Arizona is good, ASU isn’t. Thanks Herm Edwards. Next year they’ll play as members of the Big 12.

Georgia State — Just thought this was worth mentioning. In an epic matchup of Sun Belt .500 teams, the visitors led 21-0 at the half. And 24-17 with 1:37 left. Then there was a screwed up fumble that resulted in a safety. Followed by a not-so-good free kick and a five-play, 49-yard drive that ended in the winning 3-yard TD run as time expired. On fourth down, not that it mattered at that point. And you thought this stuff only happened to the Auburns of the food chain. We are nothing if not an equal opportunity accuser.

Virginia – lost to Virginia Tech at home 55 -17. It was 38 – 3 in the third. The spread was almost a pick ’em, why? It was the Cavs 18th loss in the last 19 meetings.

So now let’s hope that enough goofy things take place next week to make it worth everyone’s while. Thanks for tuning in. Couldn’t do it without you.

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